Illustration by Dillion Payne
By Destiny Jackson, Freelance Writer
Being black and existing has its challenges. But being black and existing during the month of February is like trying to press your hair, only for it to start raining as soon as you leave the house. You did the best you could given the situation. Like for example, on the SECOND day of Black History Month–a time that should be relaxing–I had a white co-worker, let’s call him Dean, who walked up to me and asked, “What sorts of things should I do this month to celebrate your history.”
Now before I verbally broke down all the tragic errors of the very real sentence that came out of his mouth, I said, “Use seasoning.” Please, salt and pepper are not the only seasonings in this world. Repeat this with me; seasoning salt is your friend. And what did he want me to say anyway? Listen to Meg thee Stallion? Binge-watch “Roots”? Stream “Black Panther” on Disney+? Treat yourself to some Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles? Please, whatever you do, don’t be a Dean. Here is a list of arbitrary things we should be able to get away with this month without being bothered.
- Not showing up to work on time (or at all)
This is just a given, black people have worked hard as hell 11 months out of the year. Don’t you think we deserve a little time off without being punished? You try coming in to work on time the day after washing, de-tangling, un-frizzing, curling, and oiling your head. We are tired.
- Touching white people’s hair
Next time you’re just shopping around Whole Foods or existing peacefully in public while minding your business, I would love to be able to just pet your up-do Karen, how did you get your hair to twist in a perfect bun like that? Or, give me $50 every time you think about wanting to touch my hair without permission. Fair?
- Enjoy the Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich in public with my purple drink
Yup. I’m eating fried chicken with my drink, just keep stepping thank you, see you next month. Don’t you have a Jimmy John’s to haunt?
- Listen to Coldplay
Ok, this one is a little too specific, but I’m tired of being the only black person at the Coldplay concert … but I’m unfazed by all the white eyes upon me as I drive with the windows down blasting “Viva La Vida”.
- Change Our Hairstyles without notice
It sucks that this has to be said over and over again. Stop asking us about our hair. We have braids one moment, a twist out the next, natural hair another day, and extensions too. Mind your business.
- To exist in public spaces
Stop calling the cops on us, clutching your bags and purses, asking us if we belong in the area or where we come from. Do you own this hotel lobby, Chad?
- No Homework, please
Please, can we get a couple of skips?
