Platonic relationships hold value long after Valentine’s Day
Although Valentine’s Day is over, people are still basking in the glow of love. To some people, Valentine’s Day is nothing more than a “Hallmark holiday” – a manufactured annual event meant to maximize profits for corporate shareholders. An annual survey by the National Retail Federation suggests consumer spending for Valentine’s Day this year would top a record $14 billion.
“It’s kind of annoying,” said Megan Tagle Adams, the director of the CSUDH Women’s Resource Center. “You spend $100 or $200 for something that won’t make you fulfilled for tomorrow.”
Cost-benefit aside, it shouldn’t be surprising that some people who don’t have romantic plans, or even a partner, feel left out of the festivities. The expectation to make the most out of Valentine’s Day – real, imagined, corporate or otherwise – can cause some people to feel disappointed or even lonely and isolated.
But the truth is, there are a lot more ways for people to express care, affection, and platonic love for each other than by spending money on flowers, fancy date nights, and expensive chocolates (not that any of those things aren’t worthwhile sometimes, they’re definitely cute gifts).
Love exists beyond traditional ideas of romance; it can be found in good friendships, caring communities, and families (the ones people are born into and the ones they make for themselves). This sort of love is just as valuable, and in some ways, more authentic than the sort of love people are expected to display every year on Feb. 14.
“I think you need a better support system than just your date from day-to-day life,” Tagle Adams said. “I like the idea of giving your friends attention and appreciating them.”
The love of good friends is invaluable. They can provide comfort, guidance, perspective, and when necessary, a good old-fashioned reality check. Longtime friendships can remind people of their roots, while new friendships can help people to grow and learn more about themselves. In this way, platonic relationships help people to fulfill other important needs that romantic relationships sometimes cannot.
“There is an expectation where your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner is the only one who can fulfill your needs,” said Alyeska Gutierrez, program coordinator at the Women’s Resource Center. “You need to remember you’re a complete person without your boyfriend.”
Senior psychology student Mellisa Angel is in a relationship, but maintains a full life outside of it.
“I love spending time with my boyfriend, But I still enjoy hanging out with my other friends because they give me extra space to express myself,” she said.
In the words of the English author Alice Oseman in their novel Loveless: “Give your friendships the magic you would give a romance. Because they’re just as important.”
Of course, self-love is also important. The Women’s Resource Center recommends people not neglect their own well being. Spending time with oneself – taking a walk or exercising, reading a book, or a solo lunch or dinner at a favorite restaurant can all help to support a healthy sense of self and foster self-esteem.
Gutierrez recommended a few such activities: “go to brunch, take yourself to a park and read a book.”
There is a balance in having a healthy relationship and a healthy social life. Senior psychology student Mellisa Angel is in a relationship, but maintains a full life outside of it.
“I love spending time with my boyfriend, But I still enjoy hanging out with my other friends because they give me extra space to express myself,” she said.
