illustration courtesy of Morgan Payne
By Destiny Jackson
The world went to hell and now we all have to suffer the consequences by staying inside. There’s a lot of lists floating out there about what to DO during the COVID-19 pandemic but not many about what we shouldn’t be doing, ironically, of course. Just remember: just because we have all this “free” time doesn’t mean we should be doing EVERY thing.
- Homework & Free Classes
Most schools and universities cross-country have closed their doors and reemerged online. What started out as a blessing (ie: not worrying about driving, commuting or staying awake in class) has now morphed itself into a nightmare second life. Over 20 prestigious universities (Yale, Princeton and Brown to name a few) and a couple popular language learning apps have teamed up to offer hundreds of courses online for free. Are you kidding me? Sure, it might sound like a good idea to get smart during the pandemic, but you’re telling me 1) that these rich, privileged schools can just make their classes available to everyone but still have an acceptance rate of less than 8 percent? And 2) while these platforms offering free services are inherently good, trying to expend any more brain cells on something that isn’t searching every store between San Clemente and Cerritos (I’m OC) for toilet paper is almost impossible.
- Be Black and have White Roommates
OK, this is extremely specific to me. But, if you are somewhere out there in the same situation… it’s almost like walking on pins and needles. My roommates are kind and I have no major issues with them yet, but ever since the lockdown, it’s like every day is Black History Month in my house and not in the celebratory sense. My two roommates have asked me to cook “Black Breakfast.: And what is that, you ask? Apparently it’s cornbread, grits, bacon and some eggs. We’ve also managed to cycle through the Harry Potter series on blu-ray (a series known for very few Black wizards) and every time one of them would pop up on the screen (whether it be in the background or streamline) I would hear one of them say “this is my favorite scene!”
- Watch Movies
I hear you, watching movies is probably the best thing to do during the pandemic. I know plenty of people who are knocking out their Netflix-AFI-Top-100-Oscar-winning watchlists. I went through a lot of films on Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime and Disney+ (the four streaming horsemen) and all it does is make me miss going to the movie theater. I miss going to the movies the way you miss an ex-boyfriend soon after a breakup: Stupidly. But if you must, Universal and Sony have stepped up to the plate to bring us some of their upcoming films like “Antebellum,” “Emma” and “Trolls World Tour’” No word on Disney releasing its upcoming remake of “Mulan” or Marvel’s “Black Widow.”
- Hold a Seance
I don’t want to conjure up ghosts in my house any time, especially when I’m stuck there 24/7. But I see you clowns on Instagram and Twitter doing ouija board challenges. I get that you’re bored, but even it’s a joke, if I see one of y’all doing this on my timeline again I’ll make sure to send you into the afterlife.
- Cook Bland Food
Now that some of our favorite local restaurants have shuttered, and we are trying to save money on eating out, try expanding your use of flavors and seasonings. Please, for the love of God, don’t be afraid to use garlic powder, bell peppers, or paprika. We have nothing but THYME (get it?) now, don’t be afraid to use it.
- Work out
There are tons of articles out there about getting into your best “quarantine body.” You can find me pumping the weight of anxiety through my veins, running marathons to the stores to make sure I can find eggs, milk and Lysol spray. I’m not exerting myself beyond that. Bitch, it’s OK, we’re in a pandemic. Have a cookie. Or several.
