Feeling the pressure of one final semester before walking across the stage. Photo by: Tangerine Newt on Unsplash.
By Katherine Quezada, Staff Reporter.
Senioritis. Living 78 miles away from campus and commuting five times a week for school and work. Gas prices rising and taking 18 units as a full-time student in my final semester has led to exhaustion, loss of sleep, depression, an overwhelming amount of stress, and burnout.
“Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress,” states helpguide.org. It has caused me to feel overwhelmed, and emotionally drained and I’ve lost the capability to meet constant demands like deadlines for school and work. Coming back to in-person classes for the first time after two years of online courses, while trying to return to normalcy is something that has been a challenge I did not expect.
I was excited to come back on campus and interact with people in person and create connections during my final semester before walking across the stage on commencement day. All I wish, for now, is that classes would have remained virtual so I had more time to work on assignments and still get the right amount of sleep to function properly.
The final stretch, as the finish line was already visible, yet it feels easier to give up and fail one class that I can retake in the summer. Even if it means to lengthen my college career by one semester and graduating a couple of months later.
However, there is still a small bit of motivation and determination to end strong and graduate on time that keeps me going even when I find no purpose in doing so. What keeps me motivated is being the first in my family to obtain a degree in higher education. My parents crossed borders and overcame challenges to seek the American dream. I am a part of their success story and the American dream in the making. They came to this country to give their kids a better life. A better life meant a better education that would lead to a better future. I can’t give up for myself and for my parents.
I’ve never been a student that lacks discipline and produces mediocre work, yet that’s what my reality has become. Instead of diving deep into my assignments that I once enjoyed, I now lack the creativity and motivation to keep up with my classes. Sometimes I do not even bother submitting my homework on time for my deadlines.
Commuting 160 miles to and from school with the infamous Los Angeles traffic, just driving alone can sometimes take up to four and a half hours, almost the same amount of commute as if someone were driving to Las Vegas one way. Having to wake up at 5 a.m. and ending school at 10 p.m. on my longest days has become difficult to even fit a meal into my schedule and enjoy it. When I have little time to focus on my school work it can seem impossible to make sure I can earn an A grade for my classes.
College students don’t only attend school and do homework. A lot of them work multiple jobs, have romantic relationships, partake in clubs and other extracurricular activities. It can be hard to do all of the things they need to and take the time to also replenish which is a form of self care. I take the time to get extra sleep throughout the days when I can and eat an extra meal throughout the day. It can be difficult to live a balanced life when school has such high importance in our lives because it’s what we need to accomplish before going out into the real world and working in the field we chose to study.
The rise in gas prices and sometimes not being able to afford the commute leads to skipping class multiple times a week and returning to school lost at times. In just one week of commuting almost every day I can spend up to $200 of gas for my used Scion TC 2005 car, yet I can’t afford to buy a new vehicle that may be better on gas, therefore it’s a challenge I have to learn to deal with.
Along with some classes being in-person on certain days and other times it being virtual it can lead to a high inconvenience for someone like myself that can avoid commuting on some days throughout the week because professors can choose when to and do not have in-person classes.
There are multiple challenges I’ve faced in the last three months but nonetheless, I’m grateful that I’m only tackling them in my final semester.
In the last three months, I’ve experienced self-doubt and felt like a failure. I’ve lacked motivation and purpose. I’m irritable and I’ve isolated myself from loved ones and friends, at times I have withdrawn from my responsibilities, I’ve experienced detachment and felt alone, and I’m tired, drained, and depressed.
Although through it all, I continue to remind myself that I’m so close to the finish line. I can’t let burnout defeat me on the last lap when I’ve made it this far in the race. All success stories have moments of difficult challenges before the epilogue, and mine is this one. Everything will be worth it the moment I hear my name coming out of the speakers while I walk across the stage on commencement day and make my loved ones proud.
